Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
