I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
