I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize