and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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