I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
