Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
