i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize