OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
