She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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