I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
