i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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