I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
