my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
