Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
