I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
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