oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
