I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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