theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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