never play flip cup with pint glasses
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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