Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
