listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
