I hate all girls vehemently.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
