I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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