Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
