So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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