wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
