he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
