u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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