she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
