We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
