the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize