It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Dignity is for republicans.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
