you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
