I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
