are you so shy because you have an std?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
