Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
