You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
