you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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