Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
