I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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