i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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