so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize