I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
