Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
