just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Randomize
