You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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