I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I AM VODKA MAN
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
