I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
