I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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