When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
