If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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