this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
