He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
