I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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