epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
