this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
