paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
