i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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