so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
