The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
