Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
