I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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