1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
