Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
