We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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