It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
