3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
