We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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