Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
