This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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