she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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