Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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