3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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