This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
