and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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