its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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