I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize