watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
even my farts smell like vagina
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
