You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
