he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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