i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
