eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
