is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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