"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
did you just send me my own nude
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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