Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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